


You Deserve To Be Alive

by Usagichan1995



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Child Neglect, F/M, First Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lost Love, Moving On, Survivor Guilt, Therapy, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usagichan1995/pseuds/Usagichan1995
Summary: It's fucking pointless, to bellyache about things you can't change, looking around at Charlie's idea of "group therapy" to husks eyes it was just a circle jerk of a bunch of sad nobodies hashing out old grudges that should have long been forgotten.
Relationships: Husk (Hazbin Hotel) & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	You Deserve To Be Alive

It's fucking pointless to bellyache about things you can't change, looking around at Charlie's idea of "group therapy" to husks eyes it was just a circle jerk of a bunch of sad nobodies hashing out old grudges that should have long been forgotten. "husk?....do you have something you would like to share?" shit, I zoned out on the last sob story, I mean what did she even want me to say, so my dad kicked me around a little, so my mom saw and ignored it...ignored me..that's just the way it was back then. I can't exactly say I turned out alright because of it, I'm in freaking hell, but all that was a lifetime ago...can't even really remember their faces "no princess, I'm good" the curt answer made Charlie's face fall for a moment, unfortunately, just a moment. "theirs something that been bothering me about you" at this husks ears perked up in curiosity "oh?...and what's that" stating it as intimidatingly as he could.

" when we first met, you said you had lost the ability to love, I don't know about you but that sounds like a story. Maybe if you talked about it, you would feel better" Charlie finished with what she hoped was a reassuring smile, it only pissed him off more. "look kid I aint one of you're patients im only here because alastor pretty much has my balls in a vice" at the sound of his name it seems to have bought the radio demon out from his trance as well "oh, so right you are my dear husker, and because of this wonderful fact youre going to listen to our dear demon belle" he said with a cruel smile, alastor knows this fucking story, a part of him feels like he was there firsthand to witness it. gritting his teeth and feeling his hackle's rise in anger against the radio demon, it's been a while since he actually felt like fighting the overlord, he's usually too lazy to put up a even a front but when it came to this subject, to the subject of HER...but before he could do or say anything "I-It's ok, you dont have to share if you don't want to" a silence fell heavy on the group "OH no, princess you should hear it since you want to know so fucking badly" husker seethed 

"since you wanna know, I might as well not spare you any of the gory details if thats what gets you off" if looks could kill vaggie or whatever her fucking name was, would have turned him into a mutilated corpse by now. visibly shaking in anger, husker began his story.

I don't remember a time where I wasn't getting a beating, or healing from one, it seemed that no matter what I did something would set him off. If I forgot to take out the trash, If my bed wasn't made up to his specifications, hell, if I looked at him for too long a beating wasn't far away. It's amazing what humans get used too, my life became trying to avoid beatings, if I was a good kid, if payed more attention...he wouldn't hit me anymore...I knew even at that age those were the mere wishes of a child...looking back..it was never about the things I did "wrong". Having participated in, and died in a war of my own, I can see the signs, my old man bought the war home with him. It's still no excuse...but it's a reason. You would think my saving grace would be my mother, well surprise surprise, the woman was more of a "husk" than I am now, she barley got out of bed, she might as well have been dead, I'm sure you can imagine that if a father is willing to beat his own son on a daily bases, you can only imagine what he's doing to the wife, I could hear her screaming most nights. This statement made most everyone except for alastor wince in discomfort, good those fucker deserve it he thought. It wasn't all bad..I did have someone on my side, a neighbor girl, a little older than me, if you though my home life was bad in comparison to her it was a cake walk. I had bruises, but she was covered from head to toe, her clothes and hair was always filthy, you'd think people in the neighborhood would give her a break, some mercy..but they treated her like scum ,like her father. That man was the stuff of nightmares, a violent drunk, and neglectful to boot, their would be days where she wouldn't eat. I'd sneak scraps to her whenever I could...she was my best friend..eventually we grew up she became even more beautiful. We got closer, o' course I was sweet on her, but I never got the ball to do anything about it, things could have stayed that way forever, even with the abuse, if it meant we would be together, I could take all of it. Until one day...it all changed. She came to me one night banging on my window as loud as her strength would allow, what I saw next made my mouth dry, she was bloody and battered, not like usual..this..this was so much worse, her eye was swollen shut, her lips equally so was dribbling out so much blood, she probably lost a few teeth, her clothes so badly ripped they were hanging off her. She was barley standing..looking at me with those eyes..those eyes begging me to saver her, until her legs finally gave out. The sudden movement promptly shook me out of my shock, I ran through the house to the front door not giving a fuck if I woke the old man. She never told me exactly what happened, but I can guess. She gave as good as she got though, when the police went to her house they found her father on the kitchen floor unconscious from a liquor bottle to the head. they both were taken away in the end, him to prison for assault, and her to the local orphanage..as selfish as it sounds, I wish she had stayed, for the selfish reasons of a pre-teen I didn't want to be alone...but time passed on..as I grew bigger the fights with my dad became just that..fights..I wasn't the same scrawny kid he could just push around. I got mixed up in the wrong crowed I stole, drank and fought..anything that would keep me from going back to that nightmare that was my home. 

While I was suffering from full blown teen angst, whispers of war were in the air, I was too up my own ass to care. one night..one amazing night, I was with the boys, and I saw her, she looked different of course, her hair was now down to her waist adorned with flowers, a peace sign hanging from her neck, our eyes met, it was like no time had passed between us .

but it had, the eyes of that scared little girl were long gone, despite her rather flowery appearance there was a fire in her eyes, that I had never seen, a conviction thats was and still is foreign to me. she turned to her friends, whom i finally noticed were negros, thats one thing I know im not in hell for, I never really understood why people gave them such a hard time, but my heart was full of jealousy all the same, who were these boys?..why were they so close to her?..sensing my mood change.my friends look to what caught my eye, they assumed I had a problem with them for all the wrong reasons. well that was the first fight I truly got my ass handed to me. I felt like an idiot, I had blown my chance, there is no way she would want anything to do with me now...lying on my back beaten and bloody, my friends having long since run off, I never felt so alone in my life , not since the day she was taken away.....until..out of the corner of my eyes, she crouched down holding out a band aid."you're still an idiot" that smile...I thought i'd never see it again..her friends came to her side, I tried to stand but failed..one of them offered his had out to help me...I truly felt small in that moment. hoisting me up and patting the dirt off me, she went about introducing me to her "brothers", it seems that after she was sent to the orphanage she was adopted by a negro couple, she was only meant to be fostered but they grew to love each other as family and couldn't part with her. Of course the state wouldn't allow it, but it was too late, she aged out of the system and she choose to stay with her family. as I was about to introduce myself they stopped me and said they already knew who I was, she never shut up about me in all those years apart..seeing her blush at the ribbing made me feel warm.

for a year, a whole 12 months I was happy...we were happy, we caught upon old memories together and made new ones, her home became my home. I never knew family's could be so kind..that fathers were that understanding, that mothers cared so much.

then the draft happened in earnest, the protests began, of coure my girl was there for every effort to keep me and her brothers safe at home, and not in some useless war a world away, she joined a group called the panthers or something, it didn't matter in the end, me and her brothers one after the other were drafted, the day I received my letter, I had never see her cry like that, so hard and for so long. no one had ever cried for me before or since. The thing that stood out to me in that moment was as I tried to comfort her,I tried to tell her it was no big deal, that it didn't matter.All that rang through my head and what I heard when things got tough, when the enemy had me pinned, all I could see was her tear streaked face and frazzled hair as she choked out "you deserve to be alive!" it's funny...before that I actually wasnt sure, all the things I did in my past..all the people I hurt, she knew all about it..but she still said those words.

the war was almost over, everyone could feel the finality in the air, just hold out for a little longer...then..I would see her again..After so many close calls and near misses, I knew for certin what I wanted to do with my life..I was gonna marry her, we were going to have a family, us her parents and brothers, we were going to be happy together..I'm sure you can guess what happened though...if you cab youre smarter than me..because I sure as shit didn't see it coming...

a letter..a fucking letter, tellin me she...she died, husk was laughing hysterically now everyone looking worried.

can you fucking believe it!!  
I'm in one of the bloodiest wars in human history and SHES the one who dies!  
at a fucking protest no less..still fighting for me to come home.

things were quiet in the room for a long time....the silence stretched on for what felt like hours, husks face in his clawed hands still shaking either from laughter, or anger, it was anyone's guess, in a whisper he continued.

After that, nothing mattered..I didn't care about getting out of that hell hole anymore, after all their was no one waiting for me anyway..looking back my life was just a meaningless blur after that..picked up drinking..gambling..anything to fill up the time..all of it culminated in a surprisingly long life, another fuck you from the man upstairs..with the way I was..with what I did..I knew I wasn't going to the same place she was..tch..the rest is history...

"so tell me charlie?..did that satisfy your curiosity?.." Charlie stared for a moment in shock and a bit of shame,but a resoluteness he hadn't seen since that night shone in her eyes "you think you deserve this" it wasn't a question.."you think you deserve to be in pain and misery forever" he could feel unshed tears prickling at his eyes"YES!!" the answer echoed slightly off the walls. "you cant save everyone Charlie, I deserve to be here, I deserve this!!" the tears fell from his eyes like rain, Charlie got up from her seat..approaching him without a hint of fear, "you deserve to be alive"... that bitch..that conniving bitch..the tears didn't stop..using that line against me..charlie held him..and he cried like the little boy he never really was.

he would of course be embarrassed about this later...but fuck, Charlie was right...talking did help..he'd be damned if he ever told her that though.

but one thing he would always know to be true...she deserved to be alive.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGBpnliBlvM&list=RDaGBpnliBlvM&start_radio=1 
> 
> the song this fic was lightly based off on..enjoy :)


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